Archive for the ‘Synopsis’ Category

Episode 8: “The Pointy End” – Synopsis

Note: Dare I say I might be caught up soon?  Anyways, shit hits the fan.  Like, everywhere.  I know you are all done with Episode 9 by this point, but if you want to go back in time with me a week and re-live Episode 8, then I would be more than happy to tell you…

Here’s What Happened:

At King’s Landing:

The show opens up at King’s Landing, and everything is going to shit.  The parallels between Arya learning to fight and the coming war is made quite clear.  The Lannister’s are taking advantage of their, well… advantage, and sticking it to the Starks.  I feel kinda bad for them this episode.  Literally nothing good happens to them except perhaps other various members not dying.  I don’t know about you, but I consider not dying an average day.  A normal day.  Not dying is a good day for the Starks.  Forgive me my overuse of italics, but fucking hell.

Back to the show.  Holy shit, the Lannister guards are killing guards and peasant men everywhere.  Septa and Sansa are walking down the hall when they hear fighting, and thank fucking god that Sansa actually listens to her for once when she tells her to run.  Not that it does much good, as the Hound catches her.   When she threatens to tell the queen, he says, “Who do you think sent me?”

Arya is probably having her final lesson with Syrio, in which he introduces her to the wonderful world of lying and backstabbery.  These are lessons I don’t think the Stark children have learned from their parents, prime example…

Their lesson is interrupted by a group of Lannister guards, and they demand that Arya goes with them. Not fully understanding her lesson yet, she starts to walk forward, but Syrio pushes her back.  And then she catches on.  Hmm, why /would/ my father send Lannister guards to fetch me?

At this point, we learn Syrio is truly badass.  I just wish there was more screentime with him, although he is most likely dead. (However, I never believe a character is truly dead when they die offscreen, unless a character talks about seeing it or something.)  Why is Syrio bad-ass? He incapacitates every single man (except the captain) with a /wooden sword/.  If he had picked up a real sword before he fought the boss guy, he probably would have lived. (I was pretty much screaming this at the TV.)  Syrio has Arya run, and she is smart enough to not run towards the fighting.

She runs to where they were presumably packing up to leave, and finds everyone dead.  She quickly grabs her sword (smart girl), and a creepy stable boy attempts to apprehend her.

It didn't go well.

I imagine this is the beginning to her lack of squeamishness to killing.

Down in the dungeons, Varys comes to visit Ned and gives him some water.  Ned berates him for not doing anything to help him in the throne room, but Varys points out a very valid fact:  What would he have done to help him?  Unarmed, with no armor and no fighting experience?  He would have gotten himself killed.

Varys asks what madness led him to tell the Queen what he knew regarding Joffrey, and he responds “the madness of mercy”.  Ned also states with certainty that the Queen won’t kill him, as his wife is holding Tyrion.  Varys crushes that hope when he tells him that not only was it the ‘wrong brother’ but that he had also escaped Catelyn’s grasp.  Ned realizes that he is going to die at that moment, and that is exactly when I realized it as well.

Ned asks Varys who he truly serves and Varys says, “The realm.  Someone must.”

Meanwhile, Sansa is granted an audience with the Queen and the council in order to decide her fate.  The stupid old git in the council says that although she is innocent now, “who knows what treasons she may hatch?”  Sansa then surprisingly delivers one of the funnier lines in the episode and replies, “I’ll be a queen just like you, I promise!  I won’t hatch anything!”  Littlefinger comes to her defense, and I’m not sure why.  It’s obvious he’s in it for power, and doesn’t really love Catelyn or anything at this point.  Maybe he just loves her nobility.

Cersei tells her to write a letter to her brother Robb, and have him come to King’s Landing and swear fealty to Joffrey.  If she does this, things will look a little more favorably for her father.

How can one not trust that face?

In the throne room, Joffrey is making his first royal proclamations: Raising Janos Slynt to nobility, and naming Tywin as Hand to the King.  In kind, Ser Barristan is fired from the title of Lord Commander of the Kinsguard, and replaces him with Jaime Lannister.  Barristan is not pleased with this at all, and after a tense moment he strips his armor and stalks out angrily.

Sansa then comes forward and pleads for her father’s life, claiming that he must have been tricked and the her father loved Robert.  Joffrey says that he has been moved, but Ned must declare that Joffrey is the true king for any mercy to occur.

Does anyone believe this shit?

Across the Narrow Sea:

Dany finds that Khal Drogo is keeping good on his promise to pillage and rape villages.  Dany isn’t happy with this, but Jorah points out that he is doing it to raise gold.  To buy ships.  Dany still isn’t happy as she has a huge problem with people (especially women) being taken advantage of.  I wonder why.  She stops the women from being raped, much to the anger of a random Dothraki testosterone filled dude.  They both argue their case to Drogo, but since Dany is fucking Drogo and not the other dude, you can guess who he picked.

The other guy is pissed, and they fight.  Drogo gets a nasty cut, but then quickly kills the other dude (weaponless!)



ye gads.

Dany and Drogo have some more adorable back and forth banter, as Dany is concerned about his wound.  He insists that it isn’t trouble, but a witch steps forward to offer her services.  They are reluctant, but Dany is insistent.  And we’ve seen that Drogo can’t turn down that face, as she has also mastered the art of the woogie.

At The Wall:

Jon and company return to Castle Black with the bodies that the wolf found.  They belong to Othor and Jafer Flowers, two other members of the Night’s Watch that rode out with Benjen Stark.  Of course, there is still no sign on where Benjen has gone off to.  Sam points out that if the bodies had been dead for awhile, that they would be stinky.  Smart head on that one.  Thefore, they must have died recently.  Mormont decides to hold off on burning the bodies until they are examined.

Jon doesn’t seem to be taking to his stewarding well, and after little prodding from Ser Allister attempts to kick his shit, but his buddies manage to stop him, and he gets confined to his room.  Later on in his room, Ghost is going nuts.  Jon actually listens to his animal, and leaves the room to find out what is going on, following ghost to Mormont’s room.


You're looking pretty good, there.

After many blows of what would kill a normal man, he realizes that this is not a normal man.  I mean, he stabs him through, cuts off his arm, etc.  But he gets back up!  Fucking super zombie.  Jon grabs Mormont’s torch, and lights the thing on fire.  Afterwards when they are burning the body, Sam points out that the men have been touched by Night Walkers, and that only fire will stop them.  Hooray.

Robb’s Army:

Robb gets the letter from Sansa, and he isn’t happy.  He recognizes that even though it’s in Sansa’s hand, it is the queen’s words.  Robb has had enough shit at this point.  He calls on all the bannerman.  If the Queen wants him to go to King’s Landing, he’ll go to King’s Landing.  Theon is pleased.

During dinner, Greatjon Umber isn’t happy when he finds out that he won’t be the leader of their merry bunch of men.  He draws his blade, but then Robb’s wolf Greywind leaps across the table and rips his fingers off.  I love this shit.  Anyways, Greatjon laughs it off due to an out that Robb gives him.  Robb then leaves with his 20,000 men, leaving Bran in charge of Winterfell.

Robb’s army makes camp near Trident, where Catelyn catches up to her son.  After a hugging session, things get serious and Cat tells her son that if they don’t win, they all will die.

They end up capturing a Lannister scout. Robb asks how many men he counted (20,000), and then lets him go to tell Tywin that 20,000 men are coming for him to see if he ‘really shits gold’.  Which is a brilliant move.

At the Eyrie:

Catelyn is furious that Lysa has been holding information from her, more specifically that Ned is in chains and Robb is building an army.  She asks if family means anything to Lysa, but she should know that BITCH IS CRAZY.  I don’t think she cares about anything besides herself and her creepy child.  Seriously, I’d rather have Joffrey as my kid.  Anyways, Lysa refuses to aid Catelyn.

Outside the Eyrie, we find Tyrion and Bronn travelling down the road to the south.  Let me just say now, I love the scenes that have the both of them in it.  Tyrion is getting on Bronn’s nerves (how is that possible?!), and Bronn threatens to just take his food and leave him there.  Tyrion asks, “What do you want Bronn?  Gold?  Women?  Golden Women?”  This basically points out that if Bronn just leaves Tyrion behind he ain’t gettin’ paid! Bronn is fine with that as long he doesn’t have to be his toadie or friend.  Tyrion isn’t interested so much in friendship as he is in Bronn’s ‘facility for murder’.

Tyrion likes living.

However, things take a sharp dive when they are attacked by hill tribes when they set up camp.  Tyrion is frantically trying to figure out what they want before they kill them, before figuring out what they want most:  this.  And by ‘this’, be means the Vael.  Smart move.

They are convinced to help him, and he has a much larger escort to his father’s camp.  Tywin doesn’t look too pleased to see him or his buddies, but makes use of them – If Shagga assists them in the fight against Robb, that they will get what Tyrion promised them.

It’s good timing, because Tywin then receives a message that the Starks are on the march.


  • Only one more episode left (2 to review!).
  • Who is your favorite character so far?
  • After I finish my Game of Throne reviews, it seems the consensus is that I do more product reviews. 🙂  It shall be done! After tomorrow’s Hump Day post, the first one I will knock out is foundation review for Too Faced.

Episode 7: “You Win or You Die” – Synopsis

NOTE:  Catching up.  Maybe.


Here’s What Happened:

Lannister’s Encampment:

We finally meet the Lannister’s dear old dad, Tywin.  They discuss the situation of their house regarding Tyrion’s capture and Ned’s order that Tywin appear in court.  Tywin obviously doesn’t care for Tyrion (as stated in the past), but they must uphold the family’s name and respect.  Every day that one of their own in held in capture, is everyday that their house is losing respect.  Tywin also berates Jaime for attacking Ned in the open.  Jaime seems to lose a bit of his bravado at that.

Tywin gives half of his army (30,000 men) to Jaime and sends him to Riverrun, while telling him to be a man for once.

Daddy issues, anyone?

Nothing says warm family moments like deboweling a stag during heart-to-hearts.

At King’s Landing:

Ned makes an incredibly politically stupid move here, and tells Cersei, his ENEMY, everything that he knows about her secret and what he plans to do about it.  That their kids are not Robert’s, but Jaime’s.

Cersei admits to it, you can tell that the gloves are off in her facial expression.  She says that she loved Robert once until he called her by Lyanna while taking her virginity or whatever.  Ned tells her to flee before Robert returns and learns the truth.

Yeah, because she’s TOTALLY going to do that.

Oh, okay! Bye!

At his brothel, Littlefinger is giving lessons on how to whore correctly to Ros (the whore from Winterfell that Theon liked) and coincedentally reveals all his plans not very subtly to her.  I guess because she’s of no importance.  Here is where I made my first bad judgement:  I guess he’s not gay.  Because he’s clearly in love with Catelyn or something.  I don’t know, I have a hard time reading the dude.  He talks about how he lost in a duel for Catelyn to Brandon Stark, and on that day he realized he’ll never win by brutality, but by wits.

“I’ll never win that way.  That’s their game, their rules.  I’m not going fight them; I’m going to fuck them.”

Robert returns from the hunt, but he was mortally wounded by a boar before doing so.

Alcohol + Hunting = Bad Idea.

He has a small moment with Joffrey and wishes he was a better father, and Joffrey actually shows a little human emotion.

The only moment I'll feel the slightest bit bad for Joffrey, I bet.

Ned arrives fairly quickly afterwards and has a moment alone with Robert (much to Cersei’s chagrin).  He takes back his order to assassinate Dany and has Ned write an order declaring that Ned rule in his stead until Joffrey comes of age.

Until Joffrey comes of age? Yeah... that's totally what I wrote...

Ned doesn’t have the heart to tell Robert on his death bed that Joffrey isn’t his son.

When Ned leaves the room, Renly pulls Ned aside and urges him to overthrown Cersei and Joffrey now before they have the chance to come into power.  Ned says that Stannis is the rightful heir, but it doesn’t matter because Ned refuses to create bloodshed in Robert’s final hours.

Pfft.  Honor.

Dumb move on his part again, but oh well.

Littlefinger offers advice to Ned as well: Make nice with the Lannisters.  Ned declines this as well, but asks Littlefinger to make sure that the City Watch take his side as he is the one that pays them.

When Robert dies, Ned is summoned into the throne room where Joffrey has been declared king.  Ned inquires as to where Renly is, but Varys informs him that he has fled the city with a few guards (smart move).  The city watch tell Ned that they have his back.

Joffrey issues his first new commands as the new ruler, such as preperations for his coronation.  Cersei offers the opportunity for him to make peace, take a knee to declare allegiance and return to Winterfell, but Ned refuses and makes the stupidest move of all here (besides trusting Littlefinger):

He presents to the court the letter dictated by Robert and declares that Joffrey isn’t king.  While this is true, it just isn’t the smartest thing to do.  Cersei tears the document up, and orders her men to take him prisoner.  He calls on the City Guard, but Littlefinger has betrayed him and they kill his men, and Littlefinger himself putting a dagger to Ned’s throat.  Well, he DID tell you not to trust him…

That's how you fuck them, I'm guessing.

At the Wall:

We finally see Jon and Sam again at the Wall (two episodes without Jon!  TOO LONG)  They are keeping watch at the top when a single riderless horse approaches, and they lower the gate for it.  The horse belongs to Benjen and Jon is not pleased.

Later on, Lord Commander Mormont initiates all the recruits into the brotherhood and gives them their new positions.  Everyone expects Jon to be a Ranger, and everyone is shocked when he gets ‘Steward’, and Jon is outrated and humiliated.

He starts to fly off the handle, but Sam points out that he is being groomed for duty as he is a personal steward for Mormont.  He pouts a little, but realizes that Sam is right.  He says that he had always wanted to be a Ranger, and Sam quips that he always wanted to be a wizard.

Ah, I love those two.

It also appears that Sam has some brains and book smarts, to make up for his lack of fighting skills.

Jon and Sam go beyond the wall to take their vows before a weirwood tree.  They celebrate and hug afterwards, but Ghost ruins the mood by trotting over with a severed hand.

Oh... thanks...


At Winterfell:

I’ve learned that I really dislike Theon when it comes to women.  I guess this sort of attitude was very common towards women back in those times, but it’s still gross.  Overall Theon seems like an okay guy, but put a woman in the same room with him and he turns into a sleazebag.  He’s one of those guys that likes to put someone lower than him in their place to make himself feel bigger.  Blech.  Anyways.  He tries to put the moves on Osha (the woman spared from the last episode), but Master Luwin intercedes in time.

Osha didn’t seem very threatened by it all, anyways.


Across the Narrow Sea:

Daenerys is shopping with her handmaidens, along with Jorah.  Jorah excuses himself to check his’ messages’, and we find out (if you didn’t put the pieces together already from earlier episodes) that Jorah has betrayed Dany to Lord Varys and traded her life for a pardon and the opportunity to return home.

He has a change of heart when he sees Danaerys about to drink the poison wine, and exposes the merchant for the assassin that he is.  The merchant makes a stupid move and tries to run: it honestly would have been better to just drink the poison.
Now honestly, I’ve been thinking this the whole time.  Robert was blinded by revenge, attempting to assassinate Danaerys was a very bad idea.  Not because she was a woman or whatever, but because as soon as an attempt was made on her life (successful or no), I knew Drogo would get pissed and take his army across the sea.  One of his advisors should have brought that side up.

Anyways, Drogo had no intention of going across the sea until she got attacked.  He then goes into a rage and declares war against Westeros and claim the Iron Throne for his son.

Note to self: Pissing off Khal Drogo is bad.



  • Man, Ned’s men are fairly inept fighters.  They all seem to die instantly.
  • Jason Momoa pulled off an excellent performance this episode with Khal Drogo’s rage fit.

What are your thoughts?  I’ll get up Episode 8 on Thursday.

Episode 6: “A Golden Crown” – Synopsis

NOTE: I’M SO BEHIND.  OH GAWD.  I’m literally typing up the other one as we speak, I hope to get Episode 7 done by tonight and up as well.  Episode 8 will go up Thursday.  I’ve been so slammed by finals… I take my last one tomorrow morning and then I’ll be FREEEEE.

Here’s What Happened:

At Winterfell:

Bran has the dream again about the wolf statue and the raven with the third eye.  In Hinduism and Buddhism, the the third eye is a symbol of enlightenment, or a higher consciousness.  It is associated with visions, clairvoyance, precognition, and out-of-body-experiences.  Since the raven rests on the statue on the dire wolf, I’m imagining he will develop a connection with the wolves of a supernatural nature.  To be honest, his character has to be given something.  If he loses his legs (and is to remain a prominent character), he has to gain something else to make up for it and to remain relevant.  Tyrion makes up for his small stature with his wit and cunning.  It only seems fair that Bran gets supernatural powers. 😛

Anyways, Bran wakes up to good news… his special saddle is ready!  For the first time ever since the accident, he’s smiling again.

I forgot how cute he was.

While this is going on, Theon and Robb have a discussion about war.  Theon is urging him to go to war, but Robb is reluctant.  Robb tells him to butt out because Theon does not belong to House Stark.  They had to be extremely oblivious, because Bran then manages to ride off alone while they are having their super seious conversation.

In the few minutes that Bran is alone, he manages to get attacked by a small group of what I’m guessing are hill tribe people.  Robb comes to the rescue (of course) and kills a good amount of them. (Are all Stark men bamfs?)  However, one of them manages to get Bran by the throat.  Robb puts his sword down, and then Theon shoots the man dead with an arrow from behind.  I don’t really care for Theon, but that was pretty cool.  Robb isn’t as impressed, and Theon points out that he saved both of their lives… even if it was risky.  The elder Stark doesn’t have much to say to that.  The woman begs for her life, and in the true Stark fashion, Robb lets her live.

Across the Narrow Sea:

In her tent, Dany is contemplating her dragons eggs and decides to put one in burning coals.  She then decides that it will be a good idea to pick it back up when it is burning hot.  Her maid rushes in stop her and gets burned.  However, Danaerys remains un-burned.

That night, Danaerys under goes a Dothraki ritual where she must eat the heart of a horse  (much to Vicerys’ disgust).  If she throws even a little bit of it up, it’s apparantely a bad omen for the child.  She almost does barf it up, but manages to keep it down.  This turns Khal Drogo on, and a prophecy is made:  she will have a son that is a conqueror who will rise to become Khal of all Khals.

Hey, baby.

Vicerys is a little freaked out by this and by the devotion these people have to her.  He sneaks off into her tent to steal the dragon eggs in order to buy ships for the army.  Jorah follows him however, and prevents him from leaving.  He comments that he will never have the kind of devotion that Danaerys has.

“Who can rule without wealth, or fear, or love?”

Well, maybe if you weren’t such a LITTLE SHIT, Vicerys.

Jorah is unswayed, and refuses to let him leave with the eggs.  Vicerys is forced leave without them.

Later on during the celebratory feast, Vicerys stumbles in drunk looking for Danaerys and his seat.  Drogo tells him that his seat is in the back of the room.  Tired of being shoved aside, he gets furious and takes a sword to Dany’s belly, demanding his crown.  Drogo replies in Dothraki, and Dany translates:  He will give him a golden crown that men will tremble to behold.

That’s all he ever wanted, so Vicerys lowers his sword.

And Drogo gives him a golden crown.

"He is no dragon. Fire cannot kill a dragon."


At the Eyrie:

At the Eyrie, Tyrion has a rude awakening of sorts.


He quickly backs to the other end, looking only SLIGHTLY disturbed.  Clearly having enough of it, he call for Mord to reason with him.  After several quite hilariously failed attempts, Tyrion manages to convince him to deliver a message to Lysa is return for payment.  After all, a Lannister always pays his debts.  The message?  Tyrion is ready to confess his crimes.

As usual, something is up his sleeve and when he is finally granted appearance in court, he begins recouting his various ‘crimes’ he committed as a child, such as stealing women’s clothing, etc.  Lysa didn’t find it as amusing as I did.  Tyrion then asks for a trial (as it’s law), and Lysa decides to have her son judge it. Seeing that this would somehow go ary for him, he demands a trial by comabt.  Bronn is a smart man, and sees that there is fair amount of gold in it for him, so he volunteers to be Tyrion’s champion.  I love this guy.

A champion steps up for Lysa and they fight, with the knight going on full offensive while Bronn merely dodges and puts obstacles in the knight’s way until the guy gets tired.  You know, because he’s smart.  He then quickly finishes him and tosses the knight out the hole to his doom.  Tyrion and Bronn cheerfully leave much to Catelyn’s dismay, and Mord gets paid.

At King’s Landing:

Ned wakes up in King’s Landing to a very unhappy looking Robert.  And a smug Cersei.  Cersei and Ned start spitting back and forth, but by this point Robert is pretty fed up with it.  Ned asks to bring Jaime to justice, and Cersei decides that she can’t hold her tongue anymore.

“I should wear the armor.  And you the gown.”

So he smacks her across the face.  Honestly, at this point I have no sympathy for her.  In fact, I enjoyed it a little bit…

Not quite as satisfying as when Tyrion smacked Joffrey around.

Robert tells Ned to end the conflict.  Ned begs for justice, but Robert won’t do anything as ‘half the kingdom is in debt’ to to the Lannisters. Eddard Stark then asks to return to Winterfell, but Robert won’t hear of that either.  He tells Ned that he wants him to stay, and gives him back the pin.  Robert tells him that he will stand in for him while he is off hunting.

Oh, Ned’s favorite.

Syrio and Arya are having another lesson, but Arya’s heart isn’t in it as her Father is hurt and she couldn’t give a shit.  Syrio isn’t having any of it.

“Trouble is perfect time for training.”

He makes a good point – fighting happens during bad times, not when one is happy and content.  He tells her to learn to control her troubles and not let it affect her fighting, rather than letting it distract her.

At the hunt, Renly finally lights into Robert and calls him out on what a shitty king he was and how there were never any ‘good times’, before stalking off.  (Someone is getting balls.  Insert joke here.)

Back in court where Ned is presiding, he listens to the pleas of a man whose village was ransacked and destroyed.  Not only that, but they left a sack of fish to add insult injury… which the sign of House Tully (as Littlefinger points out).  The man comments that the leader of the raiders took off the head of a horse in a fell swoop.

Hm… who do we know that likes to do that?

Oh... right.

Ever honorable, Ned declares Ser Gregor (the Mountain), a wanted man, and issues a command for Tywin to appear in court.  This is a very bold move on his part, but I have to say… it is not politically wise.

In other less important news, Joffrey acts all creepy again with Sansa, and she just eats it up.

Almost as nauseating as Bella and Edward. Almost.

I honestly can’t tell if Joffrey is being sincere or not, but he probably isn’t.  I guess Joffrey knows how to put on a good face.  I hope he’s mean to Sansa later.  That girl needs some naivete knocked out of her.

Later that night, Ned decides to send the girls back to Winterfell as he decides that too dangerous for them there.  (Well, duh.  I couldn’t figure out why he brought them along in the first place… he should know how treacherous that place is.)  Sansa is upset, and Ned tells her that she will find someone good, gentle and strong.  Sansa says she doesn’t WANT someone like that, she wants Joffrey.  I lol’d.  Arya just wants to bring Syrio along.

Sansa says that she  wants Joffrey’s golden haired babies, and things clicks things together in Ned’s mind (that I figured out last episode).  All the men in the Baratheon family are black of haired… except Joffrey and his siblings.


I personally loved this episode, things are really speeding up and getting really interesting.  The sword fight with Bronn was fantastic (as is any scene with Tyrion), and Vicerys finally getting what was coming to him was fantastic as well.

Some interesting finds:

I didn’t proofread this too carefully as I was trying to get it out quickly, so let me know if there were any errors.




Episode 5: “The Wolf and the Lion” – Synopsis

NOTE:  Late again!  Sorry!  I’ve given up on getting it done by a specific time… all I can promise is that it will be done before the next one airs, LOL.  These things take foreeeever to write.  To those new to these reviews, I HAVE NOT READ THE BOOKS. 

Here’s What Happened:

At Winterfell:

In Winterfell, Bran is getting lessons from Luwin.  He obviously knows the material, but Bran is still grouchy, from… you know, losing his legs.  He’s now deciding to take his anger out on his mother for leaving him before he woke up.  Luwin tells him that she is doing what she must for the family, but this doesn’t comfort Bran.  And honestly, I get why he is upset.  He just lost his legs, and he is redirecting his anger to something he can be angry at since he doesn’t remember what happened to him.
He does cheer up though when Luwin tells him that if Tyrion’s contraption works, he will be able to do archery from horseback.

Theon and Ros get it on in the castle, and he reveals that he is still stinging from his little confrontation with Tyrion in the previous is episode and appears quite jealous.  He tries to have sex with her again, but he doesn’t want to pay for it.  She tells him to get a wife.  LOL.

He creeps me out a little.

At The Eyrie:

On the way to the Eyrie (rather than Winterfell), Catelyn is traveling with her father’s bannerman and Tyrion to take him to see her sister, Lady Lysa Arryn (Jon Arryn’s wife).  Tyrion tells Catelyn that Lysa has changed since Jon Arryn died, but Catelyn refuses to hear of it.  He also tells her that he did not attempt to have Bran killed, as he wouldn’t be dumb enough to use his own dagger.


Catelyn appears confused (as usual), but they then get attacked by Hill Tribes.  Bronn takes out quite a few of them, this guy is pretty bamf.  Tyrion sees a chance to escape, but also sees that Catelyn is about to die.  He chooses to save her life, rather than escape.

Later on when they arrive at the Eyrie, we see that this has had some effect on Catelyn as Tyrion is no longer bound.  But she still wishes him to stand trial I guess.

Whatever.  They get an audience with Lysa.  Now, in the past few episodes I keep mentioning the CREEPIEST scene… but this one by far takes the cake.


Lysa has definitely gone off the deep end.  She thinks that Tyrion has also killed her husband.  Tyrion sighs at this (as he obviously didn’t do it), and tells Lysa that if he is harmed, his brother will take war to the Eyrie.  The little creepy kid flips out, and tells his mother that he wants to see Tyrion fly.  Lysa tells him that he might.  At this point, Catelyn is realizing that her sister isn’t the same person that she used to know.  CHRIST.

Tyrion is taken off to his… uh, cell.

Time to fly!

King’s Landing:

The sisters are stitching together the knight formerly known as Ser Hugh (the guy DESTROYED by The Mountain), while Ned and Ser Barristan watch.  Ned speculates that Ser Hugh was deliberately placed to joust versus The Mountain so he would die.

I think I know enough clues at this point, can I solve the riddle?

Cersei wanted Jon Arryn dead for prying into the genealogy, so she went to the then squire Hugh and offered him tons of money and a status upgrade to knight if he would slip poison into Jon Arryn’s drink.  After Arryn died, Cersei waited for the perfect time to stage Ser Hugh’s death so it would look perfectly legal and therefore tie up any loose ends as he was the only other person who knew what really took place besides Jaime.  Well, I’m guessing Tyrion knows as well (he’s just too smart not too), but isn’t going to say anything.  He’s loyal to his family to the point where he isn’t going to turn them in, even though he’s probably figured out by this point that Cersei staged his involvement in the attempted assasination.

However… I don’t think Jon Arryn was on the verge of finding out just about Jaime and Cersei fucking, it had to have been something more. “The seed is strong.”

Robert is leaving bastard children everywhere… so why isn’t Cersei getting pregnant anymore?  I’m assuming they aren’t fucking anymore.

So, uh…


ANYWAYS.  Ned then goes to see Robert in his tent when he finds out the King intends on jousting.  However… he’s having a little trouble getting his armor to fit.  I feel sorry for that poor little Lannister.  Seems out of place among his family.  Ned reminds Robert that no man in Seven Kingdoms would dare to strike Robert.  He seems to give up at this realization.  He laments and says, “I thought that being King meant I could do whatever I wanted.”

Aw, don't you feel sorry for him? Wait... nope.

At the tournament, we find out the next match is the Mountain versus Ser Loras Tyrell.  Or, the knight of the flowers.  He gives Sansa a flower, as any obviously straight man would do.  Littlefinger and Renly bet on the outcome (Renly for Loras, Littlefinger against), and the jibes between them throughout the match and after are pretty amusing.  However, the Mountain’s horse immediately starts freaking out when it gets near Ser Loras, so when I was watching the episode I imagined there was some trickery going on.  Turns out… Loras’s horse is in heat.  The Mountain’s horse stumbles and falls during the round, and Loras is declared the winner.  The Mountain gets PISSED.


He then goes after Ser Loras (much to Renly’s dismay), but the Hound jumps in to defend him.  I LOVE the tension between the two brothers in this fight, this is possibly my favorite scene so far in the season.  They seem pretty evenly matched and Joffrey starts getting a boner at the bloodshed, but Robert is party pooper and demands they stop.  The Mountain stomps off, and Loras is extremely grateful to the Hound for saving his life, even going to far to lift his hand in victory as the crowd cheers for him.  I don’t know if Loras had an ulterior motive in doing this, but it was still a nice moment.

After the tournament, Loras is shaving down Renly’s chest as he apparently prefers him without hair.  Renly complains of being thought of as only a boy as he has not seen fighting (and still gets queasy at the sight of blood).  Loras remarks that he thinks Renly should be king, as Loras has the money to make it happen.  Renly doesn’t think he is serious, so Loras cuts him and forces him to look at it, to get used to it.  He tells him that people love him, and that he would be a good king.  He proceeds to then show him how much he would love him as King.

I have a slight suspicion that they may not be straight.

Later on, Varys and Ned have a private chat.  They discuss cheerful things like castration and paralyzation before getting to the nitty gritty.  If Ned doesn’t save Robert, then he is doomed.  Basically, he thinks the squire Ser Hugh poisoned Jon Arryn and Robert is going to have the same fate.  Why did Jon Arryn die?  Because he started asking questions. (FORESHADOWING?) Ned asks why he wasn’t told this sooner, and Varys says that he didn’t trust him.  After realizing that Ned was indeed honorable, he decided to give him full disclosure.

Arya chases a cat down into the dungeons, and comes across Magister Illyrio (wtf?) and Varys conspiring together to get Vicerys (well, any Targaryen really) on the throne.  Varys warns of coming war, but Illyrio is worried about the timing of such in that Khal Drogo won’t cross the sea until his son is born at the very least.  Illyrio suggests killing Ned, but Varys says, “This hand is not the other”.  But Illyrio needs time.

Unfortunately, Arya is locked in and seeks another way out.  She somehow winds up outside the Red Keep and almost isn’t let back in as the guards think her to be a servant boy until she name drops.  She then warns her father that people are planning to kill him.  Ned brushes her off until she starts spouting facts that she obviously shouldn’t know.  THINGS GET EVEN WORSE.  Yoren of the Night’s Watch shows up to tell Ned that Catelyn took Tyrion prisoner.

Great.  Women.

Littlefinger and Varys has a little contest to see who has bigger balls. (GET IT?  HE’S CASTRATED.  SO HE DOESN’T HAVE BALLS.)  Varys reveals that he knows Littlefinger has been helping the Starks (also about his unsavory (LOL) deals with necrophiliacs), but then Littlefinger reveals that he knows about Varys conspiring with the Magister.  Obviously, neither can turn in the other as they both have dirt on eachother.  Renly interrupts their little spat and they head into the council meeting… which Robert actually happens to be attending.  For once.

At the meeting, Robert has learned by Ser Jorah that Daenerys is pregnant with Khal Drogo’s child.  Robert is very upset by this, and decides that he want Daenerys murdered.  Everyone at the council agrees except Ned, who can’t reconcile his morals with killing an innocent woman and her unborn child.  Robert gives him an order to agree as his King, but Ned decides to resign his position instead, leaving Robert screaming treason after him.

He immediately returns to his chambers and order his men to prepare Arya and Sansa for return to Winterfell.  However, Littlefinger shows up and taunts Nedwith the fact that he knows the last person Jon Arryn talked to before he died.  You know, if that sort of thing still interested him.  Apparently it does, because Ned decides to delay the trip by an hour and goes to a brothel with Littlefinger to meet a whore who gave birth to another of Robert’s bastard sons.

However at THIS point, I’m wondering if Littlefinger did this on purpose, to stop Ned from leaving the city.  Perhaps if Ned dies, Littlefinger can woo Catelyn?  Gross.

Later on, Robert appears to be brooding when Cersei walks in – and they have their first semi-decent conversation of the season – and probably their last.  Robert wants a royal army, rather than multiple armies with different purposes.  He doesn’t think the seven kingdoms has a chance unless they work together, rather than hide in the palace walls while the villages burn.  They also reminisce on their marriage, and Cersei reveals that she did have feelings for him once, even after they lost their first son.  She asks Robert if she ever had a chance with him, and after thinking about it, Robert tells her no.  He asks if this makes her feel better or worse… but it makes her feel nothing.

Back at the brothel, Ned gets stopped by Jaime and his men; Jaime is inquiring to the whereabouts of Tyrion as he has discovered his capture.  Ned then tells him that he ordered Tyrion’s capture (rather than making it look like Catelyn did it alone… what an honorable dude).  A swordfight immediately arupts, with his two best men dying instantly, leaving Jory and Ned against many men.  They take down quite a few before Jaime gets Jory in the face with a blade.  This sucks, because I actually liked Jory.

Ned is pissed, and Jaime and Ned start dueling one on one.  It was a a pretty close match, but this is ruined when one of Jaime’s men stabs Ned through the leg with his spear.  Jaime is pissed by this (I guess he wanted to beat him fair and square), and knocks the dude out.  He rides away, leaving Ned on the ground, bleeding out.

Overall Thoughts:

Favorite Line:

Bronn: Give me ten good men and some climbing spikes… I’ll impregnate the bitch.

Tyrion: I like you!

Favorite Scene: The sword fight between The Hound and The Mountain.  Either that, or Loras knocking The Mountain off his horse.

Etc:  Not enough Jon Snow (WOOGIE). 😦  I miss Jory.  I love Loras.  I hate Catelyn more and more each episode, mainly as she fucked everything up, and threw her entire family in danger.  What an idiot.

I apologize if there is any errors in this, I typed it up as quickly as a I could.

Also, from what I hear, there are two episodes tomorrow if you get HBO Go? C/D?

Episode 4: “Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things” – Synopsis

Note: Blah blah, something witty.  Disclaimer.  Have not read books.  Plan on it.

Here’s What Happened:

In Winterfell:

The show opens up in Winterfell with Bran practicing his archery.  Right there we know it’s a dream sequence, as, well… kid’s a cripple.  He follows a squawking raven until it lands on a statue of a dire wolf.  HMMMM.  I can tell there is some sort of connection between Bran and the wolves, as he woke up right when Lady was slaughtered (though that might be a stretch), and now this.  Something supernatural, at least.

I bet the third eye is a major clue and means something. NAH.

Bran wakes up, and we can see that he is back to his grumpy self which is a drastic change from his previous cheery self.  Losing the ability to walk can do that.  He gets carried out rather hilariously to where Tyrion is getting a rather chilly reception in the main hall.  Tyrion is curious to what he remembers, but Bran remembers nothing.  Tyrion and Bran seem to like each other anyways.  One of my favorite lines (TYRION GETS ALL THE GOOD ONES):

“I’m not a cripple.”

“Then I’m not a dwarf!  My father will rejoice to hear of it.”

He then gives Bran the sketches to a contraption of sorts so that he will be able to ride a horse.  Robb is impressed and offers him hospitality, but Tyrion refuses.  Outside, Tyrion has a conversation with Theon Greyjoy in which we find out a bit more about this character.  I still wasn’t quite sure what was going on so I looked up the family tree for Theon on the HBO website, and apparently he is a ward of House Stark, meant to ensure that his family won’t attack the Starks again.  I gathered that it was something like that.

Tyrion points out the irony of him being so fiercely loyal to the Starks, and Theon seems uncomfortable/annoyed with this.  Tyrion sure knows how to ruffle people’s feathers.

I enjoy it a bit too much. So does Tyrion. Give Peter an Emmy already!

He asks for Lady Stark, and quickly deduces that she isn’t at the Keep.  Much to Theon’s dismay.  Oh well.

We switch scenes to an inn on the Kingsroad and find Catelyn who has a made a brief stop on her way back to Winterfell.  Tyrion then walks in with a grand entrance as he is on his way out of Winterfell, and starts throwing money around to get a room.  He probably would have gone off then to hire a whore, but he then sees Lady Stark, and alerts her presence to the rest of the tavern.  Rather than acknowledge Tyrion, Catelyn stands up and starts demonstrating how much loyalty she has among the people around her.  Which is pretty much everyone.

For once, Tyrion is confused.

She then tells all these men that have been called out that the dwarf standing there conspired to murder her son and demands them to seize Tyrion. (CALLED IT.)  They all draw their swords.

I hope his wit can get him out of this one.

I have to admit, it was a pretty cool scene.  Even though I’m rooting for Tyrion.

Across the Narrow Sea:

The nomadic group of Dothraki rides through the Horse Gate (pretty cool looking) and into the city of Vaes Dothrak.  Vicerys is less than pleased, and starts bad-mouthing the Dothraki.  Daenerys tells her brother that they are her people now, and to not speak of them that way.  He snipes back that it is his army, and they are marching the wrong way with his army.

As Vicerys rides away, Dany asks Ser Jorah if her brother would actually be capable of leading the Dothraki to the Seven Kingdoms.  I think we all know the answer to that.

Vicerys cools down (in one way) by having a bath in one of the pleasure bath houses with the handmaiden Doreah.  She is fascinated by dragons, and asks about them.  She is saddened to learn that the last remains of the dragons in the King’s Court are probably destroyed.  Vicerys gets peeved again, as he didn’t hire a whore to make him sad.  She then lets on that she thinks she was bought to teach Dany to be a better lover.

Vicerys doesn’t like this.

Word of advice: telling a girl to "go on, get on with it" is probably not the sexiest thing to say.

After the awkward sex, Vicerys drags Doreah into his sister’s tent by her hair and screams at Daenerys for daring to give him ‘commands’.  She tells him it was invitation to receive a gift, but Vicerys is enraged further by it and says: “Dothraki rags?  You’re trying to dress me now?”
He then asks if she is going to ‘braid his hair as well’, to which Dany says she can’t because he hasn’t won any fights yet.  OH SNAP. He smacks her across the face and tells her that she has ‘awaken the dragon’ (I SWEAR HE’S TALKING ABOUT HIS PENIS).  Dany then pulls a surprising move and slashes her brother across the face with a sharp chain necklace.  She tells him that the next time he lays a hand on her is the last time he will have hands.

I guess his dragon isn't so impressive. Or penis.

She has a talk later with Ser Jorah, and realizes that her brother can’t and shouldn’t sit on the Iron Throne.

At the Wall

Back at the Wall, Jon is teaching his new friends at the Wall how to fight.  A new recruit arrives named Sam who is horribly dreadful at fighting.  I mean, bad.

Really, really bad.

I think I could do better.  Anyways, whats-his-face douchebag seems to have no issue beating the shit out of him, but Jon gets that woogie look on his face (you know the look), and jumps to his defense.  His Commander or whatever isn’t too happy with this and decides to sick all three of them on Sam (but they have to get through Jon first).  His two friends are not too happy about this as they know they are going to get their ass kicked.

And they do.

Have I mentioned that I adore Jon Snow yet?  Uh…

Anyways, I’m kinda feeling sorry for Sam at this point.  Jon seems mildy annoyed to be interacting with him afterwards and tells him that it isn’t going to get any easier.  That, you know, he’s actually going to have to defend himself at some point.  Sam says he wanted to, but couldn’t… because he’s a coward.  Well, yeah.  He walks away kinda pathetically and it made me go :(.

Later that night, Sam comes across Jon at the top of wall (new watch partner) but is reluctant to get close to fire at the edge.  He claims he isn’t cold, but Jon says YA RITE and makes him get closer to the fire.  Apparently he doesn’t like heights.  Jon points this out along with his fear of everything else and asks why he is even at the Wall.  Sam tells Jon that on the morning of his 18th name day his father came to him and told him that he was not worthy of his title or inheritance and that he would have to join the Night Watch.  If he didn’t, his Father was, well… going to kill him.


He then asks Jon if he is going to fight the next day, and of course, he is.  Sam despondently says that he isn’t going to get any better, but Jon quips that he can’t get any worse. (Don’t be so sure. <.<)  There seems to be something of a bro-mance forming.  The next day Jon is having breakfast with everyone, and his friends are making fun of Sam.  Jon reminds them of the lesson he learned in the last episode… that Sam is the same as the rest of them, no place in the outside world.  He tells them not to hurt Sam anymore, and whats-his-face douchebag decides that he doesn’t care what Jon thinks.

Jon reminds him why he should care. Also... Ghost!

During training, everyone follows Jon’s lead and doesn’t fight Sam.  One his friends (who’s name I don’t remember) even pretends to be hurt badly by one of Sam’s pathetic sword swings.  The instructor gets pissed and reminds them that they will want a man by their side outside the wall, not a boy.  I DO agree with this.  However, if that’s the case, the instructor should be trying to train him properly, rather than having people beat the shit out of him.  If you have someone at a drastically lower skill level than everyone else, you have to be easier on them at first in order for them to improve.  In my opinion.

Later on we see Jon and Sam developing a sort of camaraderie while on wash duty.  Sam talks about how he has never been with a girl, and we find out that Jon hasn’t either (I’ll volunteer).  He had the opportunity, but decided against it.  Sam asks him ‘if he knew where to put it’.  I lol’d.

In actuality, Jon was afraid of the possibility of siring another bastard child.

"So... you didn't know where to put it."

While  goofing off, the creepy instructor guy walks in.  And proves to be very, very creepy.  He tells them about a time when his group got caught in a storm outside the Wall during winter.  We find out that he partook in some cannibalism and starts trying to intimidate Sam by threatening to eat him too or something.  Like it’s hard to intimidate Sam.  He concludes by telling them that they will all drop like flies outside of the Wall.  Hooray!

Man, what a good instructor.

At King’s Landing:

At King’s Landing, Sansa is being told of her future of when she is married to Joffrey and has a son.  She is afraid that she will only have girls, as everyone would hate her (mainly Joffrey).  But seriously, Joffrey is a shit.  Who cares?

At the council meeting, even though Ned is less than happy about it,  the tournament is going on as planned.  As the city is going into chaos with so many people there, he pays for 50 additional guards for the City Watch, and an additional 20 of his own men to help keep the peace.

After the meeting, Ned talks to Pycelle about what was happening with Jon Arryn before he died.  According to Pycelle, he got rapidly sick and died quickly.  Pycelle thinks it was of natural causes, but Ned (seeing the corruption at King’s Landing) thinks it was poison that killed him.  Right before Arryn died, he was reading a book of lineages that listed the traits of the noble families, and said one phrase before he died: “The seed is strong.”  Pycelle gives the book to Ned.

On the way out he runs into Arya, who is practicing her sword fighting.  They have a small moment, but this is ruined when Ned tells her that someday she will marry a man and rule his castle, and have sons who will become knights.  She says that she won’t, because it ‘isn’t her’ before resuming practice.

Littlefinger (Petyr) comes across Ned in the gardens and tells him that he’s heard about the book from Pycelle.  Ned is slightly upset that word is so easily spread, and Littlefinger points out fairly clearly that there are hired ears everywhere.

It's like High School. But creepier.

He then gives Ned some valuable information about a local armorer that Arryn met with before he died, and Ned rethinks not trusting Littlefinger.  But Littlefinger disagrees however, and he tells Ned that he shouldn’t trust anyone, especially Littlefinger himself.

When Ned goes to visit the armorer he discovers that his apprentice is Robert’s bastard son.  The seed is strong in this one.

Later that night during the tournament, Cersei attempts to ‘bury the hatchet’ (though I’m sure she’d rather bury it in his head).  Ned is suspicious, as he should be.  She tries to convince him to leave King’s Landing, but Ned says that he is staying for as long as the king wants him to stay.  I imagine she is now going to manipulate Robert into wanting Ned to leave.

Meanwhile, at the tournament, the jousting starts while Sansa and Arya watch.   The ‘Mountain’ versus Arryn’s former squire who is now a knight.  The latter knight is sorely outmatched, and he quickly gets stabbed in the throat by the lance on the second pass and dies a gruesome death.  Sansa seems horribly disturbed by this and Littlefinger gleefully chimes in the story of brotherly love between ‘The Mountain’ and his brother ‘The Hound’.  The mountain didn’t take kindly to the hound playing with one of his toys when he was little, so he took his brother’s face and smashed it into the coals and watched his face melt.


Littlefinger tells Arya to keep the story a secret, as the Hound would probably kill her if he heard her talking about it.  Somehow, I doubt this, but he sufficiently scares the shit out of Sansa.

What did you think of this episode?  Don’t forget to tune in this Sunday for the next episode!

Episode 3: “Lord Snow” – Review/Synopsis

Note:  I’M GONNA READ THE FRICKIN’ BOOKS.  As soon as the season ends.  Gawd.

I’m really  sorry I got this out so late!  I will try to do these every Tuesday from now on.  I find if I set myself a specific time to do something, I won’t procrastinate it.

Anyways, as Monk would say…

Here’s what happened:

At King’s Landing:

Ned and Company arrive at King’s Landing!  On his way to the council meeting he runs into his favorite person: Jaime.  Jaime seems to think that Ned should be thanking him for killing the previous king (who killed Ned’s family).  Ned seems less than impressed as he did it dishonorably (“Is that what you tell yourself at night?), which clearly show a good example of how much of a Lawful Good character Ned is.

Moving along, Ned gets to the council chamber and we meet Lord Varys ‘Master of Whisperers’, Lord Renly Baratheon (the King’s brother), Petyr Baelish ‘Master of Coin’, and Grand Maester Pycelle.  Got all those names memorized yet?  Good.

My gaydar is going nuts. Get it? NUTS.

We quickly learn that Robert hasn’t really been doing much other than tournaments, booze, and wenches.  He has better things to do than attend meetings that affect his country.  The kingdom is 6 million in debt as Robert seems to spend the country’s money on Joffrey’s birthday parties.  Ned is furious at this, and refuses to go ahead with the plans of the tournament until he talks to Robert.

Switching to Breakfast at the Lannister’s, I realized very quickly why Joffrey is so screwed up.  His mother.  I’m not surprised, she is a righteous bitch.  She gives the usual lessons one’s mother gives to her son: lying, adultery, and murder.  Guess which Joffrey has a problem with.  (If you answered none, you are right.)  Although, I’d like to make myself clear.  Cersei clearly is partly to blame, but I think even if Catelyn Tully was his mother he would still be a little shit.  Case in point, look at Joffrey’s siblings.  Raised by the same mother, but entirely different temperaments.  One could argue that Cersei pays more attention to Joffrey as he is the heir to the throne, but still.  One has control over their destiny no matter how they are raised.

Maybe one day you can fuck your sister behind your wife's back, too!

Joffrey expresses his dislike for Sansa, but Cersei insists that he court her to strengthen their position.  She gives him a lesson in kingliness, and we get a glimpse at how bad of a King Joffrey will really be.  I do have to give Cersei one thing:  she’s smart.  But still creepy.

“Everyone who isn’t us is an enemy.”

Sansa and Arya are fighting again, and Ned goes to talk to Arya after she is sent to her room as Sansa has no desire to talk to her father.  Ned discovers that Arya has a sword, but allows her to keep it.  I imagine women are generally not allowed to sword fight, but when Ned sees that she is serious about it he even goes as far as to get her lessons.  (I love that scene!  For a little kid, she sure does catch on fast.)  He also tells her that Winter is Coming ™ and things are going to get much more difficult, thus the family needs to stick together.  Arya reluctantly agrees that she doesn’t hate Sansa after all.

Catelyn arrives at King’s Landing expecting to not be noticed, but is immediately escorted by guards to the brothel of Petyr Baelish (much to her anger).  Catelyn wonders how Petyr knew she was coming to King’s Landing, and Varys shows up claiming that “Knowledge is his trade”.  Although, he doesn’t seem to be that great at it as he doesn’t know who the dagger belongs to.  Petyr relishes in the fact that he however does.  Because it’s his.  Or was.  He lost it in a tournament to Tyrion Lannister.  Oh, great.  Guess who’s going to get blamed?


Petyr hints to Ned that his wife is in town after Ned receives the raven in the night, and they both go to the whorehouse.  Ned doesn’t believe that his wife is actually there and is furious for the trickery, and starts to choke out Petyr.  Catelyn takes that moment to inform Ned that she actually is there.

“Quick tempers, slow minds.”

Catelyn tells Ned of the attempt on Bran’s life, and how she suspects the Lannisters.  Ned tells her there is nothing he can do until he has proof, at which point he will bring it before Robert.  Petyr promises to try and find who is responsible.  With a touching farewell, Ned and Catelyn separate and Cat heads back for Winterfell.

Robert exchanges war stories with Ser Barristan Selmy of the Kingsguard.  We meet another Lannister named Lancel, although this one seems to be a bit more on the timid side.  Robert then shows his extreme dislike for the Lannister family in spite of his connection to them now, and calls Jaime in to taunt him a bit regarding his guard-post, and then asks him what the Mad King Aerys said before he stabbed him in the back.

“He said the same thing he’d been saying for hours.  Burn them all.”

In case you were missing the incest, we also got a nice creepy scene with Jaime and Cersei.

Maybe sleeping with my brother was a bad idea.

At Winterfell:

Bran wakes up, but would rather be dead without the use of his legs, much to the dismay of his brother.

At The Wall:

Jon seems to be getting angrier at his situation.  And getting a little high and mighty.  He kicks everyone’s ass at dueling and even takes on two at once.  The other guys don’t care for this.  I’m guessing this is the case because they try to slit his throat while he is changing.  Tyrion saves his life with a little name dropping, but quickly puts Jon in his place by reminding him that everyone else around him has had a much harder life than him.  And he should probably start trying to get a long with everyone a little better.  Tyrion won’t be there to save his neck forever.

Jon then travels to the top of the wall to see his Uncle Benjen, who he finds is about to leave for the northern wild lands.  Jon wants to go, but Benjen (aka HOT.) refuses, telling him “You’re no ranger.  Here, a man gets what he earns.  When he earns it.”  The lesson finally sinks in for Jon that he isn’t better than everyone else, and we next see him teaching his fellow men rather than beating them up.

After a chat with Benjen regarding the status of The Wall and what lies beyond, Tyrion leaves for King’s Landing (through Winterfell), but not before saying goodbye to Jon… and pissing off the edge of the world.

Across the Narrow Sea:

The Dothraki + twins are traveling across the plains of Essos, and Daenerys questions Ser Jorah to how the Dothraki got the slaves.  Apparently, it’s a thank you gift for the Dothraki not killing people.  Daenerys appears to not be happy regarding the slavery, and commands the entire horde to stop while she walks into the grass.  Viserys loses his shit on Daenerys for daring to command him to stop as he is the leader of their house.  Rakharo (Dany’s bodyguard) however strangles him with a whip (favorite scene in this episode) and only releases him at Dany’s command, albeit a bit confused at doing so.  Viserys however is forced to walk rather than ride his horse after the incident. 🙂

I thought the 'dragon' would be bigger...

We then find out through Dany’s handmaiden that she pregnant. (Groping breasts: the pregnancy test of the medieval times.)  During a cuddling scene (talk about relationship growth!) Daenerys tells Drogo that it’s a boy.  When he asks how she knows, she responds that she “just knows”.  The scene is pretty fucking adorable, and I’m glad to see them getting along.

Ser Jorah also finds out that she is pregnant, and this seems to startle him, and he rides off.


What did you think of the episode?  Did you like it?  Were you able to remember the names of all the new characters?

Episode 2: “The Kingsroad” – Review/Synopsis

Note: I have not read the books, blah blah blah.  And yes, it appears I like the show enough to do another review. 😛

It’s time to go over what happened in the last episode of Game of Thrones.  Are you excited?  I’m excited!  WE SO EXCITED.


Episode 2: “The Kingsroad”

Before I really get into the review, can I just say how much I love the opening credits?  So epic.

Anyways, the episode opens up with Daenerys riding with the Dothraki towards some destination, though I’m honestly not sure where they are heading.  I imagine back to their homeland.  Daenerys looks despondent and unhappy with her current situation (and I don’t blame her, rape and arranged marriage isn’t my cup of tea either).  Ser Jorah attempts to rouse her spirits but seems to fail miserably.

Maybe if Daenerys was a lesbian in High School, Jorah's "It gets better" speech would have worked... better.

Jorah attempts to plead her case subtly to Viserys to go back to the comfort of the Magister’s place, but Vicerys isn’t going anywhere ’till he gets his damn army.

We switch scenes back to Winterfell, where Tyrion wakes up with some more interesting bedmates.

Oh, Tyrion.

Joffrey (aka creepy prince kid) is conveniently there when he wakes, and with the only comment I found amusing from him the entire episode.  “Better looking bitches than you are used to, Uncle.”  Joffrey proceeds to get snotty and irritable by refusing to give his sympathies to Bran’s family. Tyrion then slaps him in the face, which was probably my single favorite moment in the entire episode.  Can someone turn that into a .gif for me?  Seriously.  Joffrey threatens to run to mommy, and Tyrion hits him again.  SCORE!

AND THEN HE HITS HIM AGAIN, after Joffrey refuses.

I love this little man.  The Hound reminds Tyrion that the young prince will remember that to which Tyrion responds, “I hope so!”

It’s time for BREAKFAST AT THE LANNISTERS, and I swear if I have to look at Cersei’s smirking face one more time I’m going to vomit.  It’s unforunate, because I have a feeling she is going to be around for awhile.

Anyways, in contrast to Joffrey, his brother and sister seem to be polar opposites and give me hope for the Lannister family beyond Tyrion.  They are simply adorable little creatures, and seem fairly good natured.  Tyrion informs Cersei that Bran may live at which she seems a little disturbed by.  Serves the bitch right.  Jaime tries to make a case for Bran having a quick death rather than be a cripple, but Tyrion says, “Death is so final.  Whereas, life… life is full of possibilities.”

Also, he’s interested to what Bran has to say when he wakes.  (I think we all are.)

Well, they aren't.

Cersei comes to visit Bran and Catelyn (how kind) and proceeds to tell what is supposed to be a heartwarming story about how her first son died from a fever. Oh… okay.

I have a hard time sympathizing.

Scene switch, and Jaime has a talk with Jon Snow and pretty much makes fun of his choice to join the Night Watch while Jon just looks confused.  It seems he may be having second thoughts about his decision.  Perhaps.

Jon goes to see Arya (SHE SPEAKS!).  He gives Arya a sword at which she is ecstatic to receive, since he obviously knows her better than to give her a cross-stitch kit or something.(“Sansa can keep her sewing needles.  I’ve got a needle of my own.”)  He then says goodbye, but methinks Arya needs to work on hers a bit.

I'll miss you too. WITH MY SWORDD.

Jon has another touching goodbye scene with Bran (who is still comatose), and tells Bran where he is going and tell that he will be able to visit when he is better.  Catelyn seems really pissed at Jon’s presence in the room and tells him to GTFO as Ned walks in.

Ned tries to reassure his wife and tell her that everything will be okay, but she has a hard time believing him.  I don’t blame her – last time he left, he came back with another woman’s kid.  Although, holding it against Jon is a bit petty…

Robb and Jon hug it out with a tinge of bromance.

It's GUUUUY love! Though seriously, I wouldn't be surprised considering all the incest we've seen in the first episode alone.

Jon seems to get along well with his entire family except for Catelyn.  Oh well, can’t win them all.

Jon and company take off, followed by Ned, the girls, and the Lannisters. (However, I never understood exactly why Arya came along. Sansa, I get.  Not Arya.)  Ned promises to tell Jon about his mother the next time they meet, and Jon departs the opposite way of the fork in the road towards the Wall.


Er, sorry.
Ned and Robert reminise about the olden days, before getting down TO BUSINESS.  A WAR IS COMING.  So is winter.  There seems to be a lot of things coming.

Scene switch, and Daenerys is getting fucked by Drogo again, though she doesn’t seem to be enjoying it much.  She gets distracted by the pretty dragon eggs.  Whatever it takes, I guess.
Meanwhile, back on the journey to the Wall, Jon is unhappy with his fellow companions.  Tyrion and Jon talk again, and honestly… I love their conversations.  They have a great dynamic.

Back in Winterfell, Catelyn seems ill-equipped to deal with everything including the accounts, and appointments, etc.  I guess it’s cause she’s a woman.  Or upset.  Robb saves the day and agrees to make the appointments.  Robb points out that she should leave the room once in a while before dashing off to put out a fire.  Conveniently, an assasin shows up to kill Bran, but Bran’s wolf rips out his throat.  Good dog!

It's just a flesh wound.

After this, Catelyn is pretty sure that someone is trying to kill her son.  Hmm, you think?  The dagger in question is pretty expensive looking blade, thus deducing that the man was hired.

Hmm, you think?  Because, you know… assassins aren’t HIRED TO KILL FOR PEOPLE WHO DONT WANT TO GET THEIR HANDS DIRTY or anything.  I mean, that’s kinda their job.  Just saying.  Catelyn decides to ride up to King’s Landing to inform Ned, although one of the old guys from the super secret family meeting points out that it’s dangerous to travel alone, so he offers to go with her.  Because an old man and a rich middle aged lady traveling together is a much safer alternative.

Back across the narrow sea, it appears Daenerys’ hands are pretty cut up from something (new rough life?), though she seems to be more interested in her dragon eggs.  She is getting her hands dressed and one of her  helpers tells her about how the moon was originally a dragon’s egg.  She asks to be alone with that particular girl, so naturally the servant then divulges that she used to be a prostitute.  Daenerys asks her to teach her how to please her man, and the servant agrees.

About that lesbian thing...

However, it appears to work.  After some reluctance from Drogo, he agrees to try a new position where she is on top.  Yay.  They both appear to enjoy it much more.

Back in Winterfell, Sansa goes on a walk with Joffrey after horribly awful romantic mini speech where he calls her ‘his lady’.  They come across Arya and the Butcher’s boy play fighting with wooden swords.  Joffrey then proceeds to intimidate the boy and try to make him fight Joffrey with a wooden sword, while Joffrey, you know… has a real sword.

He starts cutting into his cheek, and Arya loses it and hits him in the back with her wooden stick.  The boy takes off.  Joffrey then starts swinging his sword AT ARYA, and then Sansa starts yelling AT ARYA to stop.  Wait, what?  Joffrey then gets her on the ground, but Nymeria comes to Arya’s rescue and starts ripping the shit out of his hand.  Arya then picks up Joffrey’s sword and then appears to toy with the idea of just killing him, before deciding against it and tossing his sword into the river.  Smart move!  Though I wish she would have killed him.


Arya runs off and throws stones at Nymeria to make her run off as well so the wolf doesn’t get caught and killed for ripping into the precious prince’s hand.

Ned goes searching for his daughter, but it appears she was already brought back to Robert and his family.  Joffrey of course states that Arya and the butcher’s boy beat him up and then set loose Nymeria on him, to which Arya vehemently contradicts.  Cersei then calls for Sansa to come downstairs to give her account.  Sansa looks around nervously at everyone and then tries to take a neutral path by saying that she doesn’t remember anything.

Big mistake.

Robert seems fed up with the situation and states “Children fight, it’s over.”  Cersei however seems bent for ‘justice’ and demands that the wolf be killed.  Nymeria however is missing, so Cersei asks for Lady to be killed.  Robert looks unhappy about it, but agrees so he doesn’t have to look at her fucking face anymore (WHATS WRONG WITH YOUR FAAACEE?).  Don’t blame him.

Ned appear distraught by the decision, and decides that he should be the one to kill Lady, as she is a wolf of the North.  As he slits Lady’s throat, Bran wakes up.

Final thoughts:

  • Anyways, I was pretty much on the edge of my seat to find out what happened to Bran at the end of the last episode, although I was on the fence about his ‘death’.  I didn’t see why they would make the point to introduce a major character and then kill him off in the first episode.  I suppose for shock value… but it seemed a little farfetched.   I’m not surprised that he woke up at the end of the episode, though I imagine he will be crippled.
  • Although Cersei is at fault for Lady’s death by demanding it, I also put the blame on Joffrey for being a cunt, Robert for being a pussy, Ned for being a pussy, and Sansa for being a pussy.  I actually think it’s largely Sansa’s fault.  If she had told the truth, her companion would probably still be alive.
  • Benjen is hot.  So are the majority of the men on this show.  Sigh.
  • I love Tyrion.  Honestly, he has all the best lines… and the most fun parts.

Who do you fault for Lady’s death?