Note: Dare I say I might be caught up soon? Anyways, shit hits the fan. Like, everywhere. I know you are all done with Episode 9 by this point, but if you want to go back in time with me a week and re-live Episode 8, then I would be more than happy to tell you…
Here’s What Happened:
At King’s Landing:
The show opens up at King’s Landing, and everything is going to shit. The parallels between Arya learning to fight and the coming war is made quite clear. The Lannister’s are taking advantage of their, well… advantage, and sticking it to the Starks. I feel kinda bad for them this episode. Literally nothing good happens to them except perhaps other various members not dying. I don’t know about you, but I consider not dying an average day. A normal day. Not dying is a good day for the Starks. Forgive me my overuse of italics, but fucking hell.
Back to the show. Holy shit, the Lannister guards are killing guards and peasant men everywhere. Septa and Sansa are walking down the hall when they hear fighting, and thank fucking god that Sansa actually listens to her for once when she tells her to run. Not that it does much good, as the Hound catches her. When she threatens to tell the queen, he says, “Who do you think sent me?”
Arya is probably having her final lesson with Syrio, in which he introduces her to the wonderful world of lying and backstabbery. These are lessons I don’t think the Stark children have learned from their parents, prime example…
Their lesson is interrupted by a group of Lannister guards, and they demand that Arya goes with them. Not fully understanding her lesson yet, she starts to walk forward, but Syrio pushes her back. And then she catches on. Hmm, why /would/ my father send Lannister guards to fetch me?
At this point, we learn Syrio is truly badass. I just wish there was more screentime with him, although he is most likely dead. (However, I never believe a character is truly dead when they die offscreen, unless a character talks about seeing it or something.) Why is Syrio bad-ass? He incapacitates every single man (except the captain) with a /wooden sword/. If he had picked up a real sword before he fought the boss guy, he probably would have lived. (I was pretty much screaming this at the TV.) Syrio has Arya run, and she is smart enough to not run towards the fighting.
She runs to where they were presumably packing up to leave, and finds everyone dead. She quickly grabs her sword (smart girl), and a creepy stable boy attempts to apprehend her.
It didn't go well.
I imagine this is the beginning to her lack of squeamishness to killing.
Down in the dungeons, Varys comes to visit Ned and gives him some water. Ned berates him for not doing anything to help him in the throne room, but Varys points out a very valid fact: What would he have done to help him? Unarmed, with no armor and no fighting experience? He would have gotten himself killed.
Varys asks what madness led him to tell the Queen what he knew regarding Joffrey, and he responds “the madness of mercy”. Ned also states with certainty that the Queen won’t kill him, as his wife is holding Tyrion. Varys crushes that hope when he tells him that not only was it the ‘wrong brother’ but that he had also escaped Catelyn’s grasp. Ned realizes that he is going to die at that moment, and that is exactly when I realized it as well.
Ned asks Varys who he truly serves and Varys says, “The realm. Someone must.”
Meanwhile, Sansa is granted an audience with the Queen and the council in order to decide her fate. The stupid old git in the council says that although she is innocent now, “who knows what treasons she may hatch?” Sansa then surprisingly delivers one of the funnier lines in the episode and replies, “I’ll be a queen just like you, I promise! I won’t hatch anything!” Littlefinger comes to her defense, and I’m not sure why. It’s obvious he’s in it for power, and doesn’t really love Catelyn or anything at this point. Maybe he just loves her nobility.
Cersei tells her to write a letter to her brother Robb, and have him come to King’s Landing and swear fealty to Joffrey. If she does this, things will look a little more favorably for her father.
How can one not trust that face?
In the throne room, Joffrey is making his first royal proclamations: Raising Janos Slynt to nobility, and naming Tywin as Hand to the King. In kind, Ser Barristan is fired from the title of Lord Commander of the Kinsguard, and replaces him with Jaime Lannister. Barristan is not pleased with this at all, and after a tense moment he strips his armor and stalks out angrily.
Sansa then comes forward and pleads for her father’s life, claiming that he must have been tricked and the her father loved Robert. Joffrey says that he has been moved, but Ned must declare that Joffrey is the true king for any mercy to occur.
Does anyone believe this shit?
Across the Narrow Sea:
Dany finds that Khal Drogo is keeping good on his promise to pillage and rape villages. Dany isn’t happy with this, but Jorah points out that he is doing it to raise gold. To buy ships. Dany still isn’t happy as she has a huge problem with people (especially women) being taken advantage of. I wonder why. She stops the women from being raped, much to the anger of a random Dothraki testosterone filled dude. They both argue their case to Drogo, but since Dany is fucking Drogo and not the other dude, you can guess who he picked.
The other guy is pissed, and they fight. Drogo gets a nasty cut, but then quickly kills the other dude (weaponless!)
AND RIPS OUT HIS FUCKING TONGUE.
Dany and Drogo have some more adorable back and forth banter, as Dany is concerned about his wound. He insists that it isn’t trouble, but a witch steps forward to offer her services. They are reluctant, but Dany is insistent. And we’ve seen that Drogo can’t turn down that face, as she has also mastered the art of the woogie.
At The Wall:
Jon and company return to Castle Black with the bodies that the wolf found. They belong to Othor and Jafer Flowers, two other members of the Night’s Watch that rode out with Benjen Stark. Of course, there is still no sign on where Benjen has gone off to. Sam points out that if the bodies had been dead for awhile, that they would be stinky. Smart head on that one. Thefore, they must have died recently. Mormont decides to hold off on burning the bodies until they are examined.
Jon doesn’t seem to be taking to his stewarding well, and after little prodding from Ser Allister attempts to kick his shit, but his buddies manage to stop him, and he gets confined to his room. Later on in his room, Ghost is going nuts. Jon actually listens to his animal, and leaves the room to find out what is going on, following ghost to Mormont’s room.
AND IT’S A FUCKING ZOMBIE.
You're looking pretty good, there.
After many blows of what would kill a normal man, he realizes that this is not a normal man. I mean, he stabs him through, cuts off his arm, etc. But he gets back up! Fucking super zombie. Jon grabs Mormont’s torch, and lights the thing on fire. Afterwards when they are burning the body, Sam points out that the men have been touched by Night Walkers, and that only fire will stop them. Hooray.
Robb gets the letter from Sansa, and he isn’t happy. He recognizes that even though it’s in Sansa’s hand, it is the queen’s words. Robb has had enough shit at this point. He calls on all the bannerman. If the Queen wants him to go to King’s Landing, he’ll go to King’s Landing. Theon is pleased.
During dinner, Greatjon Umber isn’t happy when he finds out that he won’t be the leader of their merry bunch of men. He draws his blade, but then Robb’s wolf Greywind leaps across the table and rips his fingers off. I love this shit. Anyways, Greatjon laughs it off due to an out that Robb gives him. Robb then leaves with his 20,000 men, leaving Bran in charge of Winterfell.
Robb’s army makes camp near Trident, where Catelyn catches up to her son. After a hugging session, things get serious and Cat tells her son that if they don’t win, they all will die.
They end up capturing a Lannister scout. Robb asks how many men he counted (20,000), and then lets him go to tell Tywin that 20,000 men are coming for him to see if he ‘really shits gold’. Which is a brilliant move.
At the Eyrie:
Catelyn is furious that Lysa has been holding information from her, more specifically that Ned is in chains and Robb is building an army. She asks if family means anything to Lysa, but she should know that BITCH IS CRAZY. I don’t think she cares about anything besides herself and her creepy child. Seriously, I’d rather have Joffrey as my kid. Anyways, Lysa refuses to aid Catelyn.
Outside the Eyrie, we find Tyrion and Bronn travelling down the road to the south. Let me just say now, I love the scenes that have the both of them in it. Tyrion is getting on Bronn’s nerves (how is that possible?!), and Bronn threatens to just take his food and leave him there. Tyrion asks, “What do you want Bronn? Gold? Women? Golden Women?” This basically points out that if Bronn just leaves Tyrion behind he ain’t gettin’ paid! Bronn is fine with that as long he doesn’t have to be his toadie or friend. Tyrion isn’t interested so much in friendship as he is in Bronn’s ‘facility for murder’.
Tyrion likes living.
However, things take a sharp dive when they are attacked by hill tribes when they set up camp. Tyrion is frantically trying to figure out what they want before they kill them, before figuring out what they want most: this. And by ‘this’, be means the Vael. Smart move.
They are convinced to help him, and he has a much larger escort to his father’s camp. Tywin doesn’t look too pleased to see him or his buddies, but makes use of them – If Shagga assists them in the fight against Robb, that they will get what Tyrion promised them.
It’s good timing, because Tywin then receives a message that the Starks are on the march.